Carolyn Edgar: Marriage At All Costs is Too High a Price to Pay

I am posting this excerpt in an effort to clarify the goals of No Wedding No Womb.  We do not advocate marriage at any cost, rather, we are for the formations of healthy partnerships with couples who have the tools to cooperate effectively with each other reciprocally.  What happened to Carolyn Edgar is the exact opposite of what I wish for every girl and woman.

When did you know your marriage was over?

By Carolyn Edgar of

(Posted on “Married My Sugar Daddy

The Huffington Post recently ran a series entitled, “The Moment I Knew,” where women discussed the moment they knew their marriages were over and it was time to file for divorce.

The stories were universally depressing, of the “I knew it was time to end my marriage when he wouldn’t even come visit me in the hospital after my open heart surgery” ilk.

As I read “The Moment I Knew” stories, I wanted to ask each contributor: “Are you sure you didn’t know before then?” and “If you realized it earlier, why didn’t you act on it?”

I asked those questions because those are the questions I asked myself when I finally decided to file for divorce.

Common wisdom holds that marriage is hard work. This is true. Staying married requires a commitment to being together, a commitment that transcends any and all issues that may arise during the marriage.

Staying together no matter what issue may arise, is very serious business indeed.

But when it is ok to give up? When is it futile to fight and try and work hard to stay together? When is it necessary to cut one’s losses and move on?

Some, of course, would say never. That it’s never OK to give up on your marriage; never OK to back out; never OK to say, enough is enough, this thing is dead and rotting and it’s time for us to move on with our separate lives. That level of commitment is fine if both parties share it equally.

But if your commitment isn’t equal, and you feel like your fight is futile, then it may be time to reassess.

In my case, the moment I knew I had to get divorced came, like so many of the Huffington Post contributors, after a dramatic and tragic series of events. In sum, my ex-husband kicked in the front door after I’d locked him out during a particularly nasty argument. The sound of my daughter’s scream when he kicked open that metal door still reverberates in my ear. I called the police, which further enraged him. I retained a divorce lawyer the next day.

But really, I knew before that moment. I knew on my wedding day that it wasn’t going to work. I knew for certain on my wedding night, after the party was over and the guests were gone and we could go back to being uncivilized to each other.

I was nine months pregnant with my son on my wedding day, one week from delivering our second child. I’d insisted on getting married because I couldn’t stomach the thought of having another child out of wedlock. But I knew the whole time that he was the wrong man to marry. I’d known that during the five years we lived together before the marriage.

You can’t miss the last part.  Click here for the conclusion.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *