Zabeth: Lessons For My Daughter About Power

Zabeth: Interracial Dating Coach

A few weeks ago I started a list for my daughter. A list of life lessons that I’d teach her when she was old enough to understand. This was actually something I had been ruminating on for quite some time…years really.

I don’t have a list of lessons for my son because as a woman I cannot relate to being a man; I can only influence. Besides I think that’s more of his father’s responsibility anyway.

This list is no where near complete and I’m sure it will only get longer. I’m going to be very shrewd with my daughter in a way that my mother wasn’t. I’m going to reinforce the importance of education and having a career of her own (something my mother did exceptionally well- props to Mom!), but I also want to make sure my daughter understands early in her life how to maneuver with men. So let’s all look at this as a practice run through so to speak and any young ladies reading can be my daughters for the day.

The lesson: Women have more power in relationships than they realize.

Contrary to what some would claim P*ssy Power (we’ll refer to it as P-Power for the remainder of this post) does in fact exist and it is very powerful. We will define it here as:

Power held by women, especially seen as coming from inherently feminine qualities or from female sexual allure and sexuality.


Probing Question: How does being or feeling powerless in your relationship benefit you? Is believing that there is no power in your sexuality empowering?

When someone tells you that P-Power doesn’t exist ask yourself: why does this person feel the need to tell me this?

When a man or boy tells you that P-Power doesn’t exist the answer to the above mentioned question should be rather obvious. He benefits from you believing that you have no power in your sexuality and from your decision to yield to him sexually. It makes things much easier for him.  When a woman tells you that P-Power doesn’t exist it’s much more complicated.

I’ve heard other women say that P-Power can’t possibly exist nowadays because it is  so readily available and easily accessible. To that I say: who made it so accessible? Men didn’t.

No power equals no control. Personally, I think some women like to claim that P-Power is a myth because then they don’t have to take responsibility for having sex and its consequences- good or bad, intended or unintended. For forty years women have been told that they could have sex just like men and that was their equality…until it became apparent that it wasn’t.

My message here is to abstain from sex, especially in your high school years, and if you were my daughter I would tell you to wait until you were married. Abstinence protects you in more ways than one. Not only is it a surefire way to prevent pregnancy but it also prevents the spread of STDs which can hinder your attempts to become a mother when you are ready. Being a realist however, I know that sometimes the lesson needs to be experienced before it can truly be understood.

The bottom line is to approach your sex life and who you choose to have sex with methodically. This really isn’t something to treat casually. You are much too precious for anything less. Your body, your mind, and your reproductive organs deserve to be honored, protected, and treated with respect. After all they bring life into this world. If you take anything away from this post, take that.

This is all not to say that a woman’s sole source of power is between her legs. Women also have tremendous power between their ears. Imagine what you can do if you learned to use the two together and for your good.

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